Fist F👊
Fist F����ck Yourself 2013 was the third Fist F����ck Yourself event, taking place on February 17, 2013. The event was highlighted by Chris Jericho defending the World Heavyweight Championship inside the Elimination Chamber, WWE Champion Carlito putting his title on the line in the Elimination Chamber, and Sheamus putting his Diaz's Fuck Fest IX main event opportunity on the line against Ricardo Diaz. __TOC__ Background Chris Jericho, with the assistance of his new best friend Mark Jindrak, managed to put DEFAULT in the hospital and leave Laugh Like Pee-wee with the World Heavyweight Title. At Fist F����ck Yourself, he will have to find a way to defeat five other top contenders for his belt inside the Elimination Chamber. The history between Macho Man and Y2J is well documented, whereas J-Pac is apparently still fuming after being eliminated by Big Show in the Laugh Like Pee-wee match. Word has it that DCR and Kingpin have formed some sort of temporary alliance in order to even the odds in this match-up. Jericho will have a lot of ground to cover if he wants to continue his reign as World Heavyweight Champion. After the controversial ending to the WWE Championship match at Laugh Like Pee-wee, Commissioner Flair felt it was only fair to allow The Pranksters and Disco Drew entry to the championship Chamber. Along with the four, recent rivals Dynamite Derek and Kane Paul will vie for the championship as well. Dynamite and Kane's battles have escalated to the point of Kane attempting to rip off Derek's mask, while Derek has attempted to put Kane's mask back on. Rumors say that Sheamus will likely challenge the winner of this Elimination Chamber in the main event of Diaz's Fuck Fest IX. With that in mind, each of these competitors should be especially ready to compete and hopefully make their way to the main event of The Fest. Ricardo Diaz had promised everyone that he would main event Diaz's Fuck Fest IX. However, Sheamus had other ideas when he won the Laugh Like Pee-wee match and earned his opportunity to main event the show. Diaz, distraught over his loss, has shot up dozens of VCRs and has reportedly been heard crying in the shower. As Sheamus was about to announce which championship he would be challenging for at The Fest, Diaz interrupted him and challenged him to a match at Fist F����ck Yourself with Sheamus' main event spot on the line. Sheamus has already lost his United States and Intercontinental titles this month. Losing his spot in the main event of the ninth Fest would undeniably make this the worst month in his SvR06 career. On the flip side, if Ricardo Diaz can't pick up a victory, he may be too depressed to even make an appearance at his own show. After undoubtedly having the worst appearance in the 2013 Laugh Like Pee-wee match, Walter P. Wiley once again blamed Commissioner Flair for his poor fortune. In an attempt to keep Walter appeased, and fearful of the alleged incriminating information he claims to hold regarding the commissioner, Flair placed him in a match with Dusty Rhodes where the winner will advance to the Money in the Bank Ladder match at Diaz's Fuck Fest IX. Can Walter turn things around after months of embarrassment or will he be no match for the Polka Dotted Prankster's Bionic Elbow? Pissed off. That's the best way to describe how Coach D, Stone Cold, and The Undertaker felt after Laugh Like Pee-wee. Not necessarily because they didn't achieve victory in the 30-man contest, but because Razor Ramon inhaled every alcoholic beverage in the building. Scott Hall certainly has a history of doing so, and clearly his past self also has a liking for the drink. SvR06 company therapist, Dr. Andrew Dice Clay, gave all three the same therapeutic recommendation: team up and beat the holy hell out of Razor. Jimmy Hart managed to capture the United States Championship in a 6-man Hell in a Cell match. However, this time, the Mouth of the South may have bitten off more than he can chew. Jimmy claimed that he would take on all challengers, no matter how big they may be. This apparently drew the attention of a number of SvR06's larger superstars, one of which was Tiger. Although reluctantly, Jimmy stayed true to his word and accepted Tiger's challenge for the United States Title. Results After a year hiatus, Fist F����ck Yourself returned to help lay the groundwork for Diaz’s Fuck Fest IX and did so in a big way. Opening the event, Jimmy Hart put his newly-obtained United States Title on the line against the massive Tiger. Jimmy managed to elude Tiger’s offense for a majority of the match-up before finally toppling the ‘Froed Feline with a series of spears to retain his championship. An angry, bitter, and possibly inebriated trio of Coach D, Stone Cold, and The Undertaker battled Razor Ramon in a 3-on-1 Handicap match, brought on Razor’s imbibing of the available alcoholic beverages at Laugh Like Pee-wee. Although they didn’t always see eye-to-eye, the team eventually got the job done and delivered a sobering defeat to Razor. In the WWE Championship Elimination Chamber, The Pranksters had promised that they wouldn’t wear anything and that they would begin a winning streak at this event. However, nobody could have predicted what would transpire when Dynamite Derek kicked off the Chamber with a nude Prankster Ben. Entering the match shortly thereafter was Prankster Skates, who was also in the buff. As Dynamite Derek fell to The Pranksters, apparently disgusted with their lack of clothing, Disco Drew joined the fray. Kane Paul and champion Carlito provided the final two entrances into the match. The final four once again saw The Pranksters and Frozone battling it out for the WWE belt. After Prankster Ben was eliminated, it was down to Prankster Skates to attempt to retrieve the belt. However, Carlito applied a school boy pin complete with a fist fucking to eliminate the second Prankster. Once again, this left Disco Drew to lay down for Carlito and allow the longest championship reign in SvR06 to continue. Walter P. Wiley, after a series of difficult months, hoped to finally redeem himself by qualifying for the Money in the Bank Ladder match. However, Dusty Rhodes had similar aspirations. Though Walter was easily the superior striker of the two throughout the contest, he was no match for Dusty’s Bionic Elbow. Walter, outraged by the loss, claimed that this was the last straw and that he would finally expose Commissioner Flair to everyone. In his match with Sheamus for the opportunity to main event Diaz’s Fuck Fest IX, Ricardo Diaz brought with him an insurance policy to make sure the Celtic Warrior wouldn’t attempt to pull any fast ones. That insurance policy was none other than Chewbacca. After a slew of Brogue Kicks, it looked like Diaz’s dreams would once again crumble before his eyes. However, with the assist of Chewie, Diaz managed to fight back against Sheamus and earn the opportunity to challenge for the WWE Championship in the main event of the ninth Fest. Sheamus was outraged by the loss, but Commissioner Flair told him that out of fairness to him, he will be able to challenge the winner of the World Heavyweight Title Elimination Chamber at The Fest instead. Big Show was removed from the arena by authorities prior to the show, and a quick replacement was needed. The replacement came in the form of none other than Hogan 80s. As Kingpin, Macho Man, J-Pac, and DCR fell victim to elimination, it came down to Hogan pointing a hot dog-shaped finger in the face of champion Chris Jericho. After reversing numerous punches, Hogan finally dropped the leg on Jericho to defeat him and claim the World Heavyweight Championship.